The Fairy
A couple had been married for 25 years and also celebrated their 60th
birthdays.During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them one wish each.The wife wanted to travel around the world.The fairy waved her wand and boom! She had the tickets in her hand. Next, it was the husband''s turn. He paused for a moment, then said shyly."Well,I'd like to have a woman 30 years younger than me." The fairy picked up her wand and boom! He was 90!
There was a community church in the country. Well, one day the pastor noticed a mouse disapear in a hole by the basptismal font. So some elders and the pastor moved the font to get at the mouse. Moving the font releases a whole nest of mice. The church tried everything to get the mice gone and nothing worked. So the pastor calls up the local Pentecostal pastor and asks for help. The Pentecostal pastor comes over with his elders and they pray. Nothing happens. So they call the Baptist minister, he comes over with mouse traps. That doesn't work either. Finally they call the Methodist pastor. He comes over and begins to pray and sprinkle the mice with water. The mice all run off. The three others ask what did he do. The Methodist pastor, responds, "I baptized them, so now you'll only see them at Easter and Christmas!"
An airliner was taking off from Kenendy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain speaking.Welcome to flight 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles.The weather ahead is good and we should have a smooth and uneventful flight.Now sit back and relax and ....OH MY GOD!"....
Silence followed.Then after a few seconds, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I frightened you earlier, but while I was talking to you, the flight-attendant brought me a cup of hot coffee and spilled it in my lap.
He chuckled and said,"You should see the front of my pants!
A passenger in coach yelled loudly, "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!"
A cat dies and goes to Heaven. God meets him at the gate and says, "You have been a good cat all of these years. Anything you desire is yours, all you have to do is ask."
The cats says, "Well, I lived all my life with a poor family on a farm and had to sleep on hardwood floors."
God says, "Say no more." And instantly, a fluffy pillow appears.
A few days later, 6 mice are killed in a tragic accident and they go to Heaven. God meets them at the gate with the same offer that He made the cat. The mice said, "All our lives we've had to run. Cats, dogs and even women with brooms have chased us. If we could only have a pair of roller skates, we wouldn't have to run anymore."
God says, "Say no more." And instantly, each mouse is fitted with a beautiful pair of tiny roller skates.
About a week later, God decides to check and see how the cat is doing. The cat is sound asleep on his new pillow. God gently wakes him and asks, "How are you doing? Are you happy here?"
The cat yawns and stretches and says, "Oh, I've never been happier in my life. And those Meals on Wheels you've been sending over are the best!"
Father O'Grady was saying his goodbyes to the parishioners
after his Sunday morning service as he always does when
Mary Clancey came up to him in tears.
"What's bothering you so, dear?" inquired Farther O'Grady.
"Oh, father, I've got terrible news." Replied Mary.
"Well what is it, Mary?"
"Well, my husband, passed away last night, Father."
"Oh, Mary" said the father, "that's terrible. Tell me Mary,
did he have any last requests?"
"Well, yes he did father," replied Mary.
"What did he ask, Mary?"
Mary replied, "He said, 'Please, Mary, put down the gun...'"
I read the story of a man who boasted he had the meanest dog in the world. When he walked down the street with the dog on a leash, people would quickly move out of the way. The dog terrified everyone. One day he went inside a restaurant and left the dog tied up outside. In a little while a little fellow came in and said, "Mister, you better come quick! My dog has just about killed your dog." The man looked up and said, "Your dog has about killed my dog? Why, my dog is the meanest dog in the world. What kind of dog do you have?" The man replied, "A Chihuahua." The man asked, "How in the world could your little Chihuahua be about to kill my dog?" The little fellow answered, "He’s caught in your dog’s throat."
Blonde Driving
A blonde was swerving all over the road and driving very badly, so she got pulled over by a cop. The cop walked up to her window and asked, "Miss, why are you driving so recklessly?" The blonde said, "I'm sorry sir, but wherever I go, there's always a tree in front of me and I can't seem to get away from it!" The cop looked at her and said, "Lady, that's your air freshener!"
Got a letter from Grandma the other day.
She writes: Today I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a "Honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker.
I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting, so I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper. I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is, and I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus, because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed! I found that lots of people love Jesus!
Why, while I was sitting there, the guy behind me started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, "For the love of God! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, go!" What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!
Everyone started honking! I just leaned out of my window and started wavin and smiling at all these loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love! There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yell something about a "sunny beach"...
I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. Then I asked my teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant, and he said that it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign, or something. Well, I've never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out of the window and gave him the good luck sign back. My grandson burst out laughing...Why, even he was enjoying this religious experience!
A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed that the light had changed. So, I waved to all of my brothers and sisters, grinned, and drove on through the intersection.
I noticed that I was the only car that got through before the light changed again, and I felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all of the love that we had shared, so I slowed the car down, leaned out of the window, and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.
Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!
Love, Grandma
By: Author Unknown
